I left home with joyful anticipation of all that I would learn and achieve. As I sit on the eve of the last day of the conference, I am an emotional mess. Even though I vowed that the process is the point and that instead of comparisons I would have celebrations, I feel like what I have to say is soooooo ordinary. I feeeeeeel ordinary and a little unnecessary in the world of speaking and writing.
Have you ever been passionate about something or felt called to do something? If you have a passion, you know the shear joy of just thinking about your dreams. If you have a passion, you also know the gut wrenching pain of someone totally NOT understanding your dream. You have felt the hot tears of frustration when it looks like obtaining your goals is impossible.
In a letter to the church at Ephesus Paul prayed this prayer for the congregation:
I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious father may give you a spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know Him better. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you… (Ephesians 1:17-18)
In just a few short days, I have dreamed, cried, pouted, wilted and lifted desperate “Lord help me prayers”. I even texted my husband “I suck”.
At this point, throwing in the towel seems like the most logical solution. Is it just me or does throwing in the towel ALwAYS seem like the best option when things look bleak? What if Dr. King had thrown in the towel?
I am NOT throwing in the towel so I am praying Paul’s prayer tonight for myself but also for women everywhere who have a dream in their hearts. Lord, may you give us the spirit of wisdom and of revelation so that we might know You better. Please allow the eyes of our hearts to become enlightened to the hope for which you called us.
We have dreams today.